The 2009 American Music Awards show, broadcast live Nov. 22 on ABC TV from the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles, was a crashing bore and an entire embarrassment to show biz. If this is as good as it gets, then little wonder the music industry is in such financial straits. Watch some video highlights of this, the 37th Annual American Music Awards (left) Scroll down for blow-by-blow critique of the show’s highest and lowest points. List of AMA winners at bottom of this page.

Now, Janet Jackson, we love – but we did not love her performance or her Shrek-esque outfit with the weird saggy baggy crotch. It appears, to Digital Cheeseburger, that she was merely going through the motions, doing what’s expected of her as sister of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and ambassador / sales rep for the Jackson Family (You’ve gotta help keep us in the limelight and the dollars, Janet!) It seems she’s not loving performing anymore, given her stiff, forced dance moves and obvious dearth of pre-show dietary and exercise regime.

Janet used to have the moves. Janet used to have the body. And, Janet used to captivate her audience spellbound with mesmerizing dance and sheer stage presence. Her former brilliance, sadly is overshadowed by today’s lackluster. Is it apathy, or burnout? We like to think that she is just so very pissed off with personal problems and tragedies, not to mention the state of play in the music business (hear us, Sony?) rather than accept Janet is toast today. We hope she finds her way back, and has just temporarily misplaced herself, because the world of song would be a lesser realm without the Queen of Dance around in her fullest glory.

Buy Janet Jackson Number Oneshere!

The show stealer was incomparable Lady Gaga. Now there’s an artist working hard, putting heart and soul into performance preparation, and loving what she does. With her freak on and bottle-smashing antics – piano ablaze, she delivered the only smoking hot act of the night, literally and figuratively. Only thing is: what was up with her face? Looked like she’d been rolled up hard and put away wet the night before! Buy the new Lady Gaga album The Fame Monster [Deluxe Edition]here!

R&B singer Rihanna looked like she was wearing what her ex-beau Chris Brown ought to have been clad in – a prison-stripes outfit. Only this particular monstrosity of wasted threads appeared more like her granddaddy’s one-piece long johns after somebody had painted a bench with them on it. Hideous props to Rihanna, who really does know much better than this – C’mon girl, peel on the leathers again! Buy Rihanna album Rated Rhere!

Watch the video clip:

Looking every inch and ounce an anemic version of her former powerhouse self, diva Whitney Houston accepted the prestigious International Award of Excellence presented to her by actor Samuel L. Jackson. Previous recipients include Michael Jackson, Rod Stewart, Led Zeppelin, The Bee Gees, Aerosmith, Madonna, and Beyonce.

Adorned in an Ace bandage-like, Grecian-styled white dress, which made her look overly frumpy and heavily pregnant, she warbled a weak rendition of her new single “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength,” which naturally wowed her legions of loyal fans, who can forgive and overlook everything Houston does.

Buy the new Whitney Houston album I Look to Youhere!

Watch video of Whitney Houston sing at the American Music Awards:

Actress and songstress, Jennifer Lopez, done up in boxer gear fell on her derrière while singing “Louboutins.” Being so favorably padded there, she went unhurt, albeit ending up as the butt of everyone’s AMA after-show jokes. Buy Glow by JLo for Womenhere!

Watch video of Lopez’s AMA trip (happens after she climbs on dancers backs)

Then there’s flavor of the moment, sweeper of the boards at the Country Music Awards held earlier this year, teen singer Taylor Swift won five American Music Awards, including Artist of the Year, even beating out the smart money bet of Michael Jackson for pole position! And, truth be told, she owes it all to rapper Kanye West, who invaded her acceptance speech at this year’s Video Music Awards, where she won Best Female Video beating out Beyonce, which enraged West. Sorry Swift fans, she won the sympathy vote and, touche, all the awards going! We think West should get out of rapping and into repping, as his unwanted appearances seem to garner sympathetic success for his “victims.”

And, then there were these….

The lowest points of the show – and that really going something, considering just how many there were – included Jermaine Jackson (above left) wearing his late brother’s iconic glove, while whoring as ever for vicarious attention. Then there was the inane mugging for the camera by attention-addict and peroxided Ducks Ass coiffed celebrity-gossip blogger Perez Hilton (above center). Finally, and we do mean finally – as in, last performance of the night, but moreover bottom of this compost heap of a show – was “American Idol” loser (well, being runner up is not exactly winning, is it?) Adam Lambert (above right) whose shambles of a performance failed miserably in every department. Lambert, appearing like a lost renegade from some massively underfunded regional production of the “Rocky Horror Show,” subjected an unconvinced audience to a homosexually-charged attempt at controversy-for-fame. But, not being an artist of any merit, his desperate attention-seeking silly act caught the eye only of the censors. As for the rest of us, we’ve forgotten already, Lambert, that which we heeded not in the first place.

2009 American Music Awards winners list

Artist of the Year: Taylor Swift

Pop-Rock:

Male artist: Michael Jackson

Female artist: Taylor Swift

Band, duo or group: Black Eyed Peas

Album: Michael Jackson, “Number Ones”

Soul-R&B:

Male artist: Michael Jackson

Female artist: Beyonce

Band, duo or group: Black Eyed Peas

Album: Michael Jackson, “Number Ones”

Rap / Hip-Hop:

Artist: Jay-Z

Album: Jay-Z, “Blueprint 3″

Country:

Male artist: Keith Urban

Female artist: Taylor Swift

Band, duo or group: Rascal Flatts

Album: Taylor Swift, “Fearless”

Adult Contemporary: Taylor Swift

Alternative Rock: Green Day

Latin: Aventura

Contemporary Inspirational: Mary Mary

Soundtrack Album: “Twilight Soundtrack”

T-Mobile Breakthrough Artist Award: Gloriana

International Award of Excellence: Whitney Houston

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• Independent Music Awards
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