In an outrageous, yet entirely predictable slice of celebrity-style justice, super-rich golfer Tiger Woods landed a puny $164 fine plus four points on his driver’s license for his suspicious one-car crash!

Despite slamming his door THREE TIMES over in the faces of Florida Highway Patrol investigating officers, FHP has slammed shut their investigation on him, has reneged on its earlier pronouncement to obtain a search warrant for Woods’ house, and will no longer be seeking access to his medical records. Instead, it has entirely backed off the case, and issued a small face-saving careless driving citation. No criminal charges are to be filed, and any and all hearsay allegations of domestic violence dismissed.

Watch the msnbc video of FHP’s Press Conference from earlier today:

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