Making Sense of Celebrity Judicial Nonsense

Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Lindsay Lohan falling and falling

Following a protracted period of playing tug of war with the Californian court system, Judge Martha Revel, in her Beverly Hills courtroom, took just ten minutes to sentence the Hollywood star to 90-days in Paris Hilton‘s old judicial digs of Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, for probation violations.

Most celebrity crimes’ pundits have been lauding this court’s intervention in LiLo’s train ride to wreck over the years. Seeing it as a positive step towards getting Lohan back on a safer, surer track.

Great! Until the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Office gallops in on its donkey to derail the entire process, by announcing that her three-months slammer time of sobriety will be instantly severed to a mere two weeks!

It’s a true tale of celebrity justice Californian-style – the judicial hand eventually snatches away the tug of war rope, only to have the penal hand offer back enough rope to hang the system.

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Beverly Hills resident Elsie Poncher has put her late husband’s, Richard F. Poncher (“Fred“), not so final resting place back on the eBay block again, following a hoax $4.6 million bid in August and the next 11 bidders in line all welshing on the deal.

Fred’s corpse currently resides in the marble crypt directly above that of Hollywood legend Marilyn Monroe’s crypt #24, situated in the Corridor of Memories Mausoleum, near the northeast corner of Pierce Brothers Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery in Los Angeles, California.

Fred purchased two crypts from his good friend, baseball legend Joe DiMaggio, who divorced Monroe in 1954. One crypt is above Monroe’s and the other at kitty corner to it. The other was intended for Elsie, but she wants to be cremated upon death, and when she sells Fred’s spot he will be re-interred into hers.

Fred’s dying wish was fulfilled in 1986 by his wife, who relates the story:

“He said, ‘If I croak, if you don’t put me upside down over Marilyn, I’ll haunt you the rest of my life.’ “

So, Fred’s spent the last 23 years laying face-down above silver screen goddess Marilyn Monroe, whose next-door neighboring crypt will be occupied by the Playboy empire’s chief honcho Hugh Hefner!

Elsie intends practical results for the potential financial windfall in relocating her husband’s body:

“[pay off mortgage on my house, and] leave it free and clear for my kids.”

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Self-proclaimed (in her own press release) as “one of the world’s most famous mothers,” Dina Lohan is calling for the media to leave her precious little train wreck of a daughter, Lindsay Lohan, alone! Oh me, oh my, mothers living vicariously through their offspring’s former success now feel they’ve the right to dictate to the media what to write and talk about.

Okay, Dina, we’ll skip over worldwide condemnation of “brilliant” LiLo‘s fugly Emanuel Ungaro collection … we’ll fast forward when Singapore boos “brilliant” LiLo’s performance at F1 Rocks … we’ll ignore “brilliant” LiLo’s posting online her cell phone number with the “brilliant” ’1234′ password that got hacked … we’ll pass over “brilliant” LiLo’s series of home robberies being investigated by LAPD as possible inside jobs … we’ll disregard complaints from jewelers in London and Beverly Hills concerning ‘lost’ jewelry supplied to “brilliant” LiLo … we’ll turn a blind eye to “brilliant” LiLo’s drug problems….

Watch Dina’s rambling video:

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and Ma Kris Kardashian, of E!‘s “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” showed up in a horse-drawn carriage for the opening of the Beverly Hills‘ “Famous Cupcake” store.

Watch the video:

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Reality TV star, daughter of singer-songwriter Lionel Richie, and Paris Hilton‘s former sidekick, Nicole Richie‘s Range Rover was rear-ended on Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills, by a paparazzo who was trailing her yesterday at 2 pm (Pacific Time.)

Richie, 28, complained of pain and left to seek her own medical treatment.

The freelance photographer, Edwardo Arrivebene, 29, was arrested for driving his Jeep Cherokee without a license.

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Newly met, now newly wed, reality TV celebrity Khloe Kardashian, 25, and Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom, 29, did their I do’s on Sunday at music manager Irving Azoff‘s Beverly Hills mansion.

Digital Cheeseburger hopes that after just one month of blissful togetherness, Odom had time enough to have an attorney draw up an airtight prenup, ’cause we smell diesel spill already from the impending train wreck. Worse still, Ryan Seacrest will probably produce some reality shenanigans of a television show from it all. Time to cancel the cable and trash the dish, folks, you have been warned!

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Media-feeder extraordinaire, actress Lindsay Lohan‘s constant quest for drama and attention might be coming crashing in on her now, as reports surface of the last break-in at her Hollywood Hills home was an inside job, masterminded by herself.

While filming last year’s First Look Studios movie “Labor Pains,” LiLo hung out a lot with the studio’s then-Vice President, Frank Prugo‘s son Nicolas Prugo, who was recently arrested for his part in the burglary, which was captured on house surveillance video. It is rumored that she might be claiming that $2 million in loaned jewels from Beverly Hills jewelers XIV Karats were among the items stolen. If so, then she could be facing some insurance fraud issues atop all the other charges potentially leveled against her, should her connection with Prugo pan out to being one of co-conspirators in burglary. And, there’s still the outstanding matter of the Christian Dior jewels valued at $400,000 that disappeared at a photo shoot with Lindsay in London.

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge David Wesley handed down a 59 years to life imprisonment sentence to serial rapist and fashion designer, India born, Anand Jon Alexander, 35 years-old, for sexually assaulting seven aspiring young models, ages from 14 years up, he lured to his Beverly Hills home.

Anand Jon Alexander weeps in the Los Angeles Superior Court as he relates the effect his trial has had on his family. (pic by Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times)

He was convicted in November 2008 on 16 counts including forcible rape, but was found not guilty of four felonies, and jurors could not reach a verdict on three counts. Earlier a grand jury had indicted Alexander on 59 counts. Before imposing the maximum sentence on him for all but two counts, the judge declared that Alexander, who represented himself in the sentencing phase of the trial, showed no remorse for his actions and posed a danger to other young women.

Alexander will now be extradited to New York, where he will be charged with 40 counts, ranging from first-degree forcible rape to the rape of a minor, against 12 other women and girls. Additionally, he faces similar charges in the states of Texas and Massachusetts. If found guilty in these cases, any prison terms he receives will be consecutive to that of his California sentencing.

Alexander, who goes under the professional name Anand Jon, has appeared on the Tyra Banks reality TV show “America’s Next Top Model,” and worked with top celebrities, such as Oprah Winfrey, Paris Hilton, and Mary J. Blige. “Newsweek” magazine named him a person to watch two months before his arrest. A favorite of the stars were his hand-printed jeans retailing at over $700.

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Digital Cheeseburger > Junk Brain Food - celebrity / social commentary junk brain food is an entertainment post from: Digital Cheeseburger - Celebrity / Social Opinion

India born serial rapist and fashion designer, Anand Jon Alexander, is to be sentenced today at Los Angeles Superior Court following his Nov. 2008 conviction on 14 counts including forcible rape with victims aged from 14 to 21 years. After sentencing today in L.A., which could be three consecutive 53 years to life sentences, the maximum sentence under the law, he will be extradited to New York where he is under indictment for sexual assault on nine other women.

Alexander would meet females online then lure them to his Beverly Hills apartment on promises of a high fashion career, photo shoots and modeling work. Once there, he sexually assaulted them.

During the trial, Alexander’s lawyer attempted to have the convictions thrown out on the grounds of jury tampering and misconduct.

He cited a juror who tried to woo Alexander’s sister, Sanjana Alexander (right), during the trial and offered to help her brother.

The judge held Sanjana and the juror in contempt of court, but denied the motion for a new trial.

Alexander, 36, prior to his conviction, appeared on “America’s Next Top Model,” and his clothes were worn by celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey, Janet Jackson, Paris Hilton, Mary J. Blige, and Lawrence Fishburne.

Alexander’s official website has become a race card-playing, donations-touting quagmire of quotations, accusations, and did we say donations-touting? bid for his freedom from justice. Below is a taster: